Concept, Libretto and Lyrics: Denial

Original Plot Outline: Flit and Wabi

Song Selection: Denial, Flit, and Wabi

SAM

Ah yes, a PC, what a magical device!

And today, just for you sir, a very special price!

Now, normally I wouldn't - shouldn't - COULDN'T

but just between you and me,

I'll make you a deal, and,

of course, no payments 'till next year

(O.A.C.)

GROOVER

Oh a PC! How intense, how complex, what expense!

 I could never understand how these things do work,

A bit here a byte there, it would drive me berserk!

No thank you, Sir Salesman, I appreciate your aid,

But my brain for figuring out computers was not made.

SAM:

Nonsense I tell you, your worries be still!

Many like you have doubted their skill.

A PC is your friend, like a dog or a cat,

even better,

get a laptop and it will, well, sit on your lap! 

GROOVER

Do you really think that I could succeed?  I'm so afraid, advice I need.

What would I do with a PC just yet? 

Could I use it to buy the... oh yes,

IN-TER-NET?

SAM:

Oh yes! Oh YES!

Nothing could be as eff-ort-less!

For just a small added fee,

We'll put the very best modem in your PC,

From then on just let the connection flow,

And onto the info superhighway you go!

Because.....

SOMEWHERE OVER THE FIREWALL  (Sung to the tune of Somewhere Over the Rainbow)

When technology seems a hopeless jungle

And the new terms get thrown all around

The 'Net opens up a magic lane

When the geeks on TV make you feel stupid

There's an info highway to be found

Leading from your  PC frame

To a phone jack in the wall,

Just a step beyond the lame

Somewhere, over the firewall

Way up high

There's that land that you've read of

In an issue of TV Guide

Somewhere, over the firewall

Lies, are, true

And the dreams that you dare to dream

Really do come true

Some day you'll wish upon the 'net and wake up with your pillow all wet

behind you

Where laughter falls like acid drops dripping from perverted pops

That's where they'll find you

Somewhere over the firewall

Lies, are, true

And the dreams that you dare to dream

Really do come true

If happy little pedants spew,

Beyond the firewall

Why, oh, why can't you?

GROOVER

Thank you sir, you've helped me so!

I'll take the PC of which you've wonderfully told!

Oh I can't wait to plug it in,

And onto the info. highway my tires will spin!

SAM:

Excellent, excellent, I'll ring that right up!

And good luck to you; hope you don't get stuck,

But if you do run into problems, how'er

Access to tech support is only twelve dollars an hour.

(In GROOVER's room, there is a maze of wires on the floor, with open boxes and packaging.  The new PC sits on the workdesk.  GROOVER begins to sing unaccompanied by orchestra)

THE SOUND OF NONSENSE (sung to the tune of The Sound of Silence)

GROOVER

Hello PC my new friend

I've come to use you till the end

Because a neurosis softly creeping

blossomed up while I was sleeping,

And the complex that I am computer lame, did remain

Within the sound of nonsense.

In restless stores I walked alone

past narrow signs saying Lease-To-Own

Neath the halo of the neon

I felt like such a mindless peon

Since my eyes had had been stabbed by the flash of the marketing: I must fit in

And be touched by the sound of nonsense.

And on the TV screen I saw

ten thousand people, maybe more

People typing without speaking

People hearing without listening,

A nodding and giggling that sane people never shared

and no one dared

To stir the sound of nonsense.

Fool, said they, you do not know, how to make a modem go,

I heard their words and they did teach me:

'GET ON THE NET' they did beseech me

And their words

like violent raindrops fell

and echoed in the well of nonsense.

And the people bowed and prayed

to the Internet god they made,

And the media flashed their warning

in the words that it was forming

and the sign said the words of the profit are written behind firewalls,

And followed by lol's,

and whispered in

the sound of nonsense.

(the screech of a modem handshake is heard and GROOVER begins to clap his hands and smile broadly)

GROOVER

Here I go! Here I go!

Like an angel does the monitor glow!

Where will I start?  Where will I start?

Oh my the joy that's in my heart!

What's this? A chat?

"CHOOSE AN ALIAS": What's that?

Is this a game?

They want me to pick a new....NAME!

(A chorus of fruits and vegetables, led by a sunglass wearing sun ripened banana appears all of a sudden in GROOVER's room and the music begins)

NAME! (sung to the tune of "Fame")

GROOVER look at you,

And tell me what you knew,

'Cos they won't see any of that

Give some time, they'll never know your past.

You got an alter ego, and you can set it free

You can be a bright rising star, 

Eventually even you won't know who you are!

Forget your real name (Name!)

If you wanna chat in the realtime

You're gonna learn how to lie (Name!)

I feel it coming together,

People will see you and die

Name!

You're gonna make it to chatrooms,

Light up the screen like a flame (Name!)

If you want to live in the online,

Baby, forget your real name

Don't remember, remember, remember

remember, remember, remember

Baby, hold on tight,

And you can make it right,

You can shoot straight to the top,

Give 'em lies and take all they got.

Baby you'll be loved

Too much is not enough

You'll surround your heart to embrace,

I know you got what it takes (whoever you are)

NAME!

You're gonna live in the ascii,

You're gonna learn how to lie (Lie!)

I feel it coming together,

People will see you and die (Name!)

You're gonna make it to chatrooms,

Light up the screen like a flame (Name!)

You're gonna live forever,

Baby, forget your real name

Don't remember, remember, remember

remember, remember, remember

Naaaaaame!

(the Fruits and Vegetables leave)

GROOVER

An alias, huh? How strange!

Now I've got the change my name?

I suppose I'd better if I want to play this game!

(GROOVER becomes THE WIZARD OF DOOM and begins typing on his computer for the first time.  Scene shifts to another person sitting at a console, the lights are dim so only a silhouette can be made out.  It is a female, she is singing to herself, softly at first and then louder as the orchestra joins her)

THE WELCOME DAME (sung to the tune of Dancing Queen)

Late at night and the screens aglow,

Looking out at the chatroom floor,

Where are all the newbies?  Learning the new beat?

I've got a need to teach

Anybody could be that guy

The night is young and the ram is high

With a bit of repression, everything is fine

I'm in the mood to preach,

And when I extend my reach...

I am the Welcome Dame!  Nice and sweet yet only vaguely sane!

Welcome Dame, circling hawkish for the new to tame!

They can dance or they can writhe, they won't get away 'till they're mine,

Thanking me endlessly (What, 'lil old me?)

Dig in the Welcome Dame!

I'm a teaser I turn them on

Let one love me then take another one on,

Always looking out for others, there's always room for YOU

I'm in the mood to schmooze,

And when I find someone new...

I am the Welcome Dame!  Nice and sweet yet only vaguely sane!

Welcome Dame, circling hawkish for the new to tame!

They can dance or they can writhe, they won't get away 'till they're mine,

Thanking me endlessly (What, 'lil old me?)

Dig in the Welcome Dame!

THE WIZARD OF DOOM (in chat)

HELLO HELLO IS ANYONE HERE?

 I'M NEW YOU SEE AND GREATLY FEAR

BECAUSE WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO ISN'T CLEAR.

FISHWOMAN

well hello there wizard, don't worry at all

you'll soon know the ropes and you'll be having a ball

welcome new stranger! I'm sure you'll agree,

I'm as happy to meet you as you are to meet me.

Now I take it you're new to the whole Internet?

 I mean, you haven't been surfing, or whatnot just yet?

THE WIZARD OF DOOM

NO NOT YET MISS FISHWOMAN I'M REALLY PURE NEW

AND LIKE I SAID, I KNOW NOT WHAT TO DO

I JUST GOT THIS INTERNET THIS MORNING YOU SEE

AND THIS IS THE FIRST PLACE MY MODEM'S TAKEN ME.

FISHWOMAN

Ah, I see Mr. Wizard and I truly understand,

I was once also new to this land,

This land of web's and chat's and messages and more,

For you there's so much there to explore!

THE WIZARD OF DOOM

WHY THANK YOU, OH THANK YOU, FOR YOUR HOSPITALITY

FISHWOMAN

Oh gee, it was nothing, just 'lil ol me

Loves to welcome new people

Protect them from freaks!

THE WIZARD OF DOOM

Freaks, freaks? What do you mean?

Is there a bad side of the Internet that my manual has swept clean?

FISHWOMAN

Well... let me put it this way....

INTERNET TRASH (sung to the tune of My Favourite Things)

Psychotics in Usenet who want to do things with your hands,

Frightening psychotics in message threads about glands,

Repressed maniacs with a certain pinash,

This is a glimpse of the Internet's trash.

Bright coloured scans of crisp apple strudel,

Smeared nicely on organs, though I think it's quite legal,

Pen Pals that cling to you with more zest than a rash,

This is a glimpse of the Internet's trash.

Guys who claim 40 but are more close to 14,

Gals who scream TRY ME but are unfit to breed,

Racists and Fanatics who hunt victims to bash,

This is a glimpse of the Internet's trash.

When reality bites,

When ascii stings,

When I'm feeling sad,

I simply remember the internet trash

and then I sure feel

reeeallll baaaaad.

FISHWOMAN

So you see, as long as you're careful, you'll be okay.  Just stick with me baby, I can make you a star!

(Some months have passed  The Wizard of Doom has entered deeply into the underworld of online chat.  The chorus of Fruits and Vegetables emerges on top of the bed.  They are once again led by the sun ripened banana.)

CHATROOM OF DESTINY (sung to the tune of Copacobana)

His name was Wizard, He was a chatter

With emoticons dancing in his eyes and his thirsty brain half fried

He would chat all day, and do the ha-ha

He was now a veteran star

People knew him from afar

His heart sure raced and sped,

He typed until he bled

He was young and he swam the net,

Like a

sperm

who

led.

In the chatroom (Chat!) Chatroom of Destiny (Chatroomofdestiny)

Where the currency of choice is your sanity,

In the chatroom (Chat!) , chatroom of destiny,

Weeping and gnashing were never in fashion

In the chatroom.... he fell in love

Her name was Wetgirl. She liked the :) (whoo hooo!)

She was new to the place, and she gave Wiz a happy face :)

And when the time was ripe, she called Wiz over

She knew exactly what to do: Grabbed Wizard from clear across the room

And then two hugs flew, their hearts turned to goo

There was love and a single :)

But just who :) who?

At the chatroom (chat) Chatroom of destiny (chatroomofdestiny)

Where the currency of choice is your sanity

In the chatroom (Chat) chatroom of destiny

Weeping and gnashing were never in fashion

In the Chatroom...he lost his nerve

Chatroom....Chatroom of destiny....

Her name was Wetgirl, she liked the :)

She said she was 24, but in truth was fourscore more

Now that's not important, not to Wetgirl

Cause she just mentioned she's on the mender

from surgery that changed her gender!

Now Wetguy sits their smiling pleased,

with just one hand on the keys,

He's lies to youth's, his real new name's Tony

Yikes! Now he's on his knees!

In the chatroom (chat!) Chatroom of Destiny (Chatroomofdestiny)

Where the currency of choice is your sanity! (here)

At the Chatroom (Chat!) Chatroom of destiny

Weeping and Gnashing are now in full fashion in the chatroom...

Don't fall in love.... chatroom of destiny....don't fall in love...

(Wizard throws himself on his bed and stares up at the moon through his window)

THE WIZARD OF DOOM

I can't believe all the things I've seen

All the weird I've known, all the weird I've seen

How can I ever get back on the 'net,

With the painful burn of fear in my breast

Oh, I remember those few nights way back when,

When my journey was so far away from the end,

Before all the madness, before all the strange,

Before all the :) and, well, his sex change.

Ah yes, I see it in my memory clear...

ASCII (sung to the tune of Memory, from Cats)

Midnight, not a sound from the keyboard,

Has my screen lost its ascii?

It is smiling alone.

In the lamplight withered star trek memorabilia collects at my feet

And the modem, begins to moan

Ascii, all alone in the moonlight,

I can smile at the old days,

I was beautiful then

I remember the time I know what happiness was

Let the ascii, live again

Every handshake seems to screech

a fatalistic warning

My hard drive mutters and my cooling fan sputters,

and soon it will be morning

Lightening storm,  I must wait for the flashes

I must think of a new life

And I musn't give in

When the lightening comes my ascii will be a memory too

And a new day, will begin

Burnt out monitor, smoking gently

Stale cold smell of plastic

The modem fries, the final chat is over

Another day is dawning

Touch me

It's so easy to leave me

All alone with the memory,

Of my days on the 'net

If you touch me you'll understand what happiness was,

Before the burn out, before regret.

(The Wizard of Doom throws away the charred remains of his computer and leaves his room.  Scene is now several months later, The Wizard is out strutting along Main Street and all of a sudden a chorus of Fruits and Vegetables join him and begin singing)

STAYIN' ONLINE (sung to the tune of Staying Alive)

Well you can tell by the way he :) and lol's

He's a chatting man: got to talk the talk.

Power Supply loud and CPU warm, he's been kicked real fine,

When he was on the line

But now it's alright. It's OK

And we may look the other way

We can never understand

The internet chat's effect on a man

Whether you're a newbie or a whether you're a floosie

you're stayin online, staying online

Feel the willpower breakin' and the ISP start shakin'

he's stayin online, stayin online

Ah, ha ha ha stayin online stayin online

Ah, ha ha ha staying onliiiinnnnnneeeeeeee.

Well now, the chats get low and they get high,

and you'll get both regardless if you try

Don't matter if you got the wings of heaven on your shoes

You're going to fall sometime, you're gonna lose

You know it's alright. It's OK.

He'll live to see another day.

we can never understand

The internet chat's effect on a man.

Whether you're a newbie or a whether you're a floosie

you're stayin online, staying online

Feel the willpower breakin' and the ISP start shakin'

he's stayin online, stayin online

Ah, ha ha ha stayin online stayin online

Ah, ha ha ha staying onliiiinnnnnneeeeeeee.

Life goin - who cares?  Somebody :) me

Somebody :) me, yeah!

Life knowin - who cares? Somebody :) me

Somebody :) me, yeah!

Well you can tell by the way he :) and lol's

He's a chatting man: got to talk the talk.

Power Supply loud and CPU warm, he's been kicked real fine,

When he was on the line

But now it's alright. It's OK

And we may look the other way

We can never understand

The internet chat's effect on a man

Whether you're a newbie or a whether you're a floosie

you're stayin online, staying online

Feel the willpower breakin' and the ISP start shakin'

he's stayin online, stayin online

Ah, ha ha ha stayin online stayin online

Ah, ha ha ha staying onliiiinnnnnneeeeeeee.

Life goin - who cares?  Somebody :) me

Somebody :) me, yeah!

Life knowin - who cares? Somebody :) me

Somebody :) me, yeah!

(Wizard smiles and nods and walks into an appliance superstore, where he buys a slow cooker and new PC.  As he walks out of the shop with his boxes in tow, he is joined by Wetgirl/guy, Fishwoman, The sun ripened banana and fruit and vegetable ensemble,  along with a cast of thousands, and they all join in the finale):

THE WIZARD OF DOOM

I guess it's in my blood, I guess it's in my soul

the odyssey of the chat addict is my destiny, my role

But...

What's so wrong with that?  There's a world out there,

unlike that I've ever dreamed!

Where people without faces sit behind glowing screens,

because.....

CHATROOMS (sung to the tune of Tomorrow from Annie)

Chat will be online

tomorrow,

Bet your bottom caller,

That tomorrow,

In the chatrooms they'll come

Just thinkin' about,

Tomorrow

Clears away the phoneline

And the sorrow

'Till there's none!

When you're stuck in a room,

that's gray,

and lonely,

Just stick out your :)

And, well, :)

and sayyyyyy

OH

Chat will be online

Tomorrow

So you better not hang up

'till Tomorrow

Come what may!

Online chat, and what's more

I love ya, though you sucked my life away you dirty stinking whore,

You're always a day

aaaaaa-waaaaaaaaaaaaay!

THE END

The preceding was a satirical project and is not intended to reflect upon any person in particular.  The happenings and themes are fictional, though loosely based on a variety of experiences and observations.  None of the songs themselves are parodied, but are used because of their common appeal and/or grooviness.  If you wish to comment on this, please feel free to do so online.  Myself, Flit, Wabi, and MUCH MUCH MORE can often be found in the Pow Wow conference called The Lodge.  Visit WWW.CYBERLODGE.COM /THELODGE  for directions.